I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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