Jerry, you need to find god
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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