the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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