you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
