Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
