I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
