I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
