you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
