hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
