You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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