Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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