I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
