We're like a lot better than the average bears
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
