why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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