This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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