How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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