Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
