Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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