he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
