so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
