I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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