Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
