I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
