apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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