Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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