let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
