have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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