Only a mothe r could love this liver
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
