She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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