Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
