she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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