dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
