The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
