I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
