It's Friday. Sex?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
