Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
