I love black thongs
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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