Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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