i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
