hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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