Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize