Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
