Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
