oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I faked an abortion last night.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
