i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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