Sry I called you an 8
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
