At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
