New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
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i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that