Plan B is the new Plan A
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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