FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.