Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
