Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
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It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.