3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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