I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
love makes seman taste better
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
