fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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