So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
