I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
