Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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