I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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