Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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