somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
