Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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