What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
