Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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