i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
