dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
