i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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