the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
