i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
