bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
