If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
