Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
