I'm really into asian looking animals
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
