i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
