Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
