Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
