She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
