THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
