I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
