I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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