Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
