my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
