Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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