I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
