Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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