Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I love having hate sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize