he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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