I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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