I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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