these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
