Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
