don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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