I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
