The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
